Abusive Symphonies

January 18, 2017
Krithika Pennathur

Inspired by personal events

CW: emotional/physical abuse; trauma

I’ve never felt so many complex emotions in my life coming in contact with a human being.

I’m not supposed to miss you.
I wish I didn’t have to miss you.

I don’t know what I’m more ashamed of
Wanting the old version of you.
Or believing someday you will change.
I can’t even bear to think of touching a guy in a romantic way without thinking of you.
You are fucking around with every other woman.
I wish they knew. I wish they knew.

The time of freedom and classes and hardwork is–
I see you lurking behind me everywhere I go.


Why is it that people do not believe me.

But they believe the perpetrator

The truth is in the emotional and physical scars that I have.


“You asked for it to happen.”


It’s so hard to like someone.

When the person who loved you last

took everything from you.

I can never love the same.


I can’t get up in the morning.

But I’ve been told life goes on so I need to force myself to go into the world that holds your presence higher than it holds mine.


I wish I didn’t have to live in fear.

All the screams, all the fights, all the times I felt hopeless.

All the times I wished I left but couldn’t.

All the times I internally yelled at myself for loving you.

I wish I wasn’t so afraid to tell my story including all the details.

But for now, I’ll end here.


fb_img_1484261913689Krithika Pennathur is a sophomore English Writing (nonfiction track) and History major pursuing minors in Chemistry and Statistics and certificates in Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies & Public and Professional Writing at the University of Pittsburgh. She is thrilled to be interning with NewPeople and to be part of an amazing community

Categories: Gender, News

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