Abusive Symphonies

January 18, 2017
Krithika Pennathur

Inspired by personal events

CW: emotional/physical abuse; trauma

1.
I’ve never felt so many complex emotions in my life coming in contact with a human being.

2.
I’m not supposed to miss you.
I wish I didn’t have to miss you.

3.
I don’t know what I’m more ashamed of
Wanting the old version of you.
Or believing someday you will change.
4.
I can’t even bear to think of touching a guy in a romantic way without thinking of you.
Yet
You are fucking around with every other woman.
I wish they knew. I wish they knew.

5.
College.
The time of freedom and classes and hardwork is–
Nothing.
I see you lurking behind me everywhere I go.

6.

Why is it that people do not believe me.

But they believe the perpetrator

The truth is in the emotional and physical scars that I have.

7.

“You asked for it to happen.”

8.

It’s so hard to like someone.

When the person who loved you last

took everything from you.

I can never love the same.

9.

I can’t get up in the morning.

But I’ve been told life goes on so I need to force myself to go into the world that holds your presence higher than it holds mine.

10.

I wish I didn’t have to live in fear.

All the screams, all the fights, all the times I felt hopeless.

All the times I wished I left but couldn’t.

All the times I internally yelled at myself for loving you.

I wish I wasn’t so afraid to tell my story including all the details.

But for now, I’ll end here.

 

fb_img_1484261913689Krithika Pennathur is a sophomore English Writing (nonfiction track) and History major pursuing minors in Chemistry and Statistics and certificates in Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies & Public and Professional Writing at the University of Pittsburgh. She is thrilled to be interning with NewPeople and to be part of an amazing community

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s